My pride

It was 9:15am Tuesday when I got a text message on my phone from a couple at the International Hospital bragging on me that they had just received the fruits of their copulation acts, this message didn’t come with sender’s Identity…was only number with no name so I went for my other phone and checked but there was nada, then my address note book and still nowt a clue, I tried to engaged my brain as much as I could to relate the number to any body I knew but in vain, so I decided to connect said number to one of those we normally delete from our phone books after taking ages with out communicating with owner but convinced my self that I knew the person or at least they knew me.(I mean, I didn’t think any body would just tell you bout they business if they didn’t know you…especially not if its related to the fact that they danced each other and forgot to pull out when they got too excited!)

So, I do what every other good soul does, reply the text with congrats and wish the baby a good life and Ossoo  ignored the fact that I didn’t recognize the sender and went ahead to promise them that I would pass by the hospital after jobo to prove that they were not bluffing he had actually come inside her.

6:00pm I call up mukasa who works in a different department to ask him if he could accompany me to hospital to visit “a friend” who had just given birth, luckily…to him, this is Plot, that, there are usually “fine things” in such facilities who come to visit new mothers.

6:45pm we at IHK, apparently mukasa had been here a week ere to visit etse who had given birth here, which reminded me to visit etse and Michael at their home coz I missed seeing the baby from hospital. So, because of mukasa’s earlier visit to this hospital, we find it easy to get to the maternity…is it ward? Not sure if IHK calls it the same but if I can vividly recall it was on the 3^rd floor.

Soon as we on the 3^rd floor, we see a couple of guys standing in the hall charting and laughing others shaking hands and all sorts of things that depict happy people.

With out paying attention to the fact that we din’t know any of those people, we just keep walking, and before we go past them, I realize that they are actually standing by the door we going to, this I know coz on our way up we called and asked the voice on the other side of the number that had sent me the text in the morning which room number they were in.

I then saw mukasa look at me as if there was something he wanted to tell me, but I knew there was no time for him to tell me what I already knew because soon as we could say our hellos to the few pips out side, I heard a voice of an old lady welcoming us in and thanking us for coming.

There were 2 old women inside the room, no fine things that mukasa thought would find…they also welcome us in and even moved off their sits for the visitors to sit, we went ahead and enjoyed dem sits but we already knew we weren’t supposed to be there.

The mother of new born turned on her bed to see the visitors and said hullo…she didn’t look in the least bit any one I knew, at that moment I was praying that may be mukasa knew her or she knows him but waaaa…..

In a nut shell, we didn’t know these people and neither did they know us.

…Braved our selves and walked over to her, gave her the flowers and said our congrats…did I mention that this woman had given birth in the morning but she was still pregnant, I mean her tummy was still big (was confused) mukasa thought that may be she had twins and Nyakato had delayed.

A few minutes later we learnt that the husband was James (real name) and the woman Nalongo, a name she got from her previous birth.

Best part (I like to call it so and pliz agree with me) was that James had left for tawo to buy a few things that were needed around and that’s how we were able to get off unnoticed after convincing every one that we were business partners with James…and we were going to call him on our way out to let him know we had dropped by to see the baby and he missed us coz we had to run to other engagements.

You should have seen the look on our faces when we walked out of that hospital……….we were just laughing at the fact that we were too stupid to at least ask a friend if they knew any couple that we possibly knew who were expecting a baby, all we wanted to do was be good citizens who respond to invites.

But non the less, we gave her the flowers and wished her the best in raising baby Nyangoma. 

Your  home chilling, Sam Salter playing in the stereo…she looks good, the mood is right, to you she seems to be enjoying and ready to eat, so, you start getting really close to her, trying to kiss her but she keeps  turning away…yo like  what’s up with her…” What’s up baby? You ok?  Talk to me sugar”, but she says nothing is wrong, she’s ok, so you wondering why the fuck you can’t hit it then…she’s like “am, am….am just not in the mood”

……boy, you still can’t see the signs.

She says she has to go, her mother is home alone. She gets up and off she goes with out even a peck, but you’re cool… May be she had a bad day you say.

A few hours later you get “the killer” phone call

“…….ed, I tried to tell you but all you wanted was to take off my cloths”.

You don’t know what the f she’s talking about. “Baby, what,… what  are you talking about”

“I really tried ed, but you were just not that guy”

…you go like, uh (mouth open)

And when she hangs up the phone, that’s when it hits you that actually…its OVER.

Then you start looking around for your wallet to go down to your bar, and when yo there you make it a point to buy beer for half the people in there.  Your ordering in two’s ….2,6,….16…You break your own drinking record that knight.

You don’t believe what just happened.

So, you call up your ex-, that innocent girl you dumped when you met Mendez , ….she takes long to pick her phone and you start hurling insults to yo self, fuck, shit, fuck (people around start backing up, they don’t think they are safe around you any more)  and then…she finally picks up, you know you ain’t shit to her any more when she asks who you are because she deleted your number from her phone.

“Hi liz, it’s me….how’s your boy friend? I really think we should go out some time, I miss you…”

To her what ever your saying don’t add up, so, she reminds you of what the time is and tells you she has to be up early for work and then, click…she hangs up.

It’s 3am and 18 beers down…You’re not sure your sight is good at this point you can’t risk trying to find your way home. So, you call up that only cab guy who knows your place….unfortunately, the guy is out of town….you like, FUCK ME!

…..how you get home is another story

Then when you wake up the next day, you realize that there isn’t a penny in your wallet and it’s the maid’s last day.

 Your phone goes off…ring …ring… ring…and it’s your boss calling, you look at the clock on the other side of the bed and its 11am, you should have been at work 3hrs ago.

Boss’s gon eat you ALIVE!

I think women are beautiful, I think they are amazing, I think they are the most magical of all Gods creation on this earth…and I love them all.

These things just know how to make my day; a woman doesn’t have to be very beautiful for me to want to…you know? She just has to be a woman-I mean, have breasts and a vagina and I’ll be done.

Women are my champions too

Women are special people, and they are lucky too…did you know that a woman can get anything with her vagina? From a-class to mansions to …any thing.

I love sex too,

who doesn’t?

…Some say sex is overrated but I think those who say so just ain’t doing it right.

Sex is like that cold beer they hand you after along day, you know you badly need it when you carefully take it down your throat with the utmost care because you don’t even want a single drop…uuhm, good stuff uh.

You see, when am in THAT spot, time is of the essence…and if ITS good enough I take the honors of waking up in the middle of the night and taking her to another world… and when she’s up in the morning it feels so good she might not feel her body, …some wake up in the morning screaming “oh my gosh, I feel like some one else”

Hahahaha…yah I know, I laugh at my own jocks.